Funny Facebook Status

"Dammit I`m mad" backwards is still "dammit I`m mad"

Dear Mario, I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend...you owe me

Dear parents, you should be happy i`m addicted to Facebook and not drugs.

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them.

Teacher: Did you read any books in July or August? Student: I read Facebook, Does it count?

Dear Google, could you sit next to me during exams?!

I make weird faces in photos because it’s better to look ugly on purpose.

Awkward moment when you log on Facebook, it says 9:30pm.. you look 2 minutes later and it says 12:45am.

Why does Facebook even give me the option to `like` my own status? Of course I like my status. I`m hilarious and sexy.

Whenever I open the fridge, my dog looks at me like, "why don`t you eat all the food?"

Awkward moment when someone says it`s awkward while it`s normal.

"What happens in Vegas-" ...ends up on Facebook.

Sorry, I`m not tall enough to ride your emotional roller-coaster

Dear parents, I am fully aware that money doesn`t grow on trees. That`s why I`m asking you for it.

There are more cows in India, than cars in the U.S.

Don`t smoke cigarettes there are cooler ways to die.

I always start my diet on the same day... tomorrow!

Drunk people are the only honest ones left.

When I was a kid "talk to the hand" was the best defense I had.

I`ve never been in love... But I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.


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